Cousin Alice's Press: Silly Stuff!

Silly Stuff
Cousin Alice's Press
          Tales of Human Interest
Cousin Alice's Press. 2004 - 2020 All Rights Reserved.
And that's how the fight started...

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law 
a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. 
   The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. 
   When she asked him why, he replied, 'Well, you still
   haven't used the gift I bought you last year!'
   And that's how the fight started.....

   My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
   reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. 
   My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 
   'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she 
took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
   and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 
   'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a
   person could go on celebrating that long?' 
   And that's how the fight started..... 

  My wife walked into the den &  asked, 'What's on the TV?' 
I replied "Dust." 
   And that's how the fight started..... 
   A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
   She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. 
I really need you to pay me a compliment.' 
   The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' 
   And that's how the fight started..... 
   My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
   upcoming anniversary.
   She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 
zero to 200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.
   And that's how the fight started..... 
   I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed my heart to see her face melt 
in sweet appreciation. 
   'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!,' she said. 
   So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?' 
   And that's how the fight started.... 
   My wife and I are watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'
  while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 
'Do you want to have sex?'  
'No,' she answered... 
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' 
   She didn't even look at me  this time, simply saying, 'Yes.' 
   So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
   And that's how the fight  started.... 
   When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
   her someplace expensive. So, I took her to a gas station. 
   And that's how the fight started..... 
   I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for  $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.  
  I told her the beer would make her look better at night 
than the cold cream. 
   And that's how the fight started..... 
   I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
   reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, 
medium rare, please.' 
   He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 
   'Nah, she can order for herself.' 
 And that's how the fight started..... 

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